I’m Voting For Hillary Clinton, But I’m Secretly Hoping Donald Trump Wins the “Election.” (Here’s Why.)

24 Sep

Anyone who has ever read any of my blogs probably realizes I lean just a little bit towards the cynical side.   The truth is that’s a bit of an understatement.  I’m pretty sure I’m actually a full blown sociopath, but it’s not my fault. It really isn’t.  I blame “Society.”

In person I’m actually a pretty friendly guy.  That’s because I have absolutely nothing against individual people, and choose to be nice to others as much as possible. However I absolutely loathe our society.  I mean LOATHE it down to it’s core.

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The pre-1940’s equivalent of a “Trump Rally”  People are dumb-asses now and they were dumb-asses then.

Human beings are absolutely, without a doubt THE lowest form of organism on the face of the planet we are so giddily demolishing.  We are after all the ONLY living beings capable of malicious intent.  Say what you will about animals that eat other animals, invasive plant species that invade and kill other plants, viruses that invade the bodies of other living organisms; the truth is none of these things are truly evil.  They have no malicious intent. They do what they do to survive and it is purely instinctual, not thought out.

On the other hand, the atrocities human beings inflict on each other (not to mention innocent wildlife and the planet itself) is nothing new.  We are fully capable of grasping the moral implications and yet we perform horrible acts daily.  Arguably it’s been going on since the first proto-humans figured out a way to communicate with other proto-humans.  Almost immediately it became the norm to hoard objects or land,  (equate with money) come up with wild ridiculous theories about natural phenomenon that could be used to exploit or ostracize entire groups of other people (equate with religion) and to make war on one another in all cases using  one or the other, (or both) of the aforementioned idiocies to do so.

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It’s only much worse now because there are so many more of us.  Not only that we are more aware of it thanks in part to the fact that nearly everyone is now walking around with their own personal video recording devices.  (Which is very inconvenient for the the alleged “authorities” who wish to get away with brutalizing the very same people their supposed to be working for.)
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At this point I’ve pretty much come to the conclusion that it’s time for humanity to step aside.  There’s simply no hope for us.  The vast majority of our brainless masses are simply too stupid to ever better themselves or their world. Greed, intolerance, and ignorance are our masters now.  I was kind of hoping for alien invasion, but I think the plain and simple fact is that at this point our “progress” has completely ruined the planet far beyond any chance that extra terrestrial life would even have any interest in it.  Our salvation (through self elimination) must come from within.  So now at last I see an answer:  Donald Trump.

This is the guy the movie Idiocracy tried to warn us about.  (You thought it was a comedy, but no…it was a documentary…From The FUTURE!)    A Donald Trump presidency would certainly bring about the end of the world as we know it.  (If Lenny Bruce is not afraid it’s because he’s dead.)

Donald Trump has the potential to be America’s version of Adolph Hitler, for real.  It really doesn’t matter that, unlike Hitler, he’s just not very bright, and neither are his supporters, because nowadays the world has the firepower to destroy itself something like 8000 times over.

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So elect Trump, start World War 3 (which I pretty much envision as America and Britain as the Axis Powers versus the Rest of the World) and end the curse of Humanity that this planet has had the misfortune of enduring for the past million years or so.  (give or take a millennium.)  Because believe me:  NOBODY is going to win World War 3.

I can’t do it myself because I could just never vote for a republican under any circumstances, but by all means elect Donald Trump.  See what happens.  I dare you.  I Triple-Dog dare you!  (Do you see what I did there?  I created a slight breach of etiquette by skipping the required double dog dare and leaping right to the triple dog dare, but nobody will remember my gaff when we’re all being melted by nuclear devastation.)

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Oh yeah and on a lighter note, did anyone else catch that Stranger Things show?  That shit was DOPE yo!

The Pros and Cons of Going Through Life as a Pariah.

17 Sep

I believe it is safe to say I have at last reached a new plateau in my existence; a place I’ve always longed for.  I think I can officially apply to myself the much desired appellate of “Pariah.”  (Hooray!!!)

But let me revert back to my childhood for a few moments, to explain how I first came to desire this goal.

I’m a big fan of something called “Star Wars.”  I grew up with it.  Indeed the first Star Wars movie ever created may well have been the first one I ever saw in a movie theater.  (Unless it was Jaws.  To be honest my memories of that phase of my life are somewhat uncertain, buuuuut………..moving on)

During my youth there was a comic book series based on this somewhat popular movie franchise.  It was published by Marvel Comics and was entitled simply:  “Star Wars.”  It is, at this time, no longer considered “canon” but the series still holds a very special place in my life.  These were among the first comic books that I owned in my lifetime, and were purchased for me, without exception, by my mother during trips to the local neighborhood grocery store.

One I remember particularly well was entitled “Pariah.”

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The plot was as follows:  Luke and some other rebels go on a mission to fight the Empire while clandestinely piloting stolen tie fighters.  They emerge from the battle victorious, but upon returning to the rebel base Luke finds himself in most cases ignored (as if he doesn’t exist) and in others actively scorned by his fellow rebel fighters.  He does not understand why until he discovers that he himself (under the guidance of The Force) destroyed one of his own, a female rebel named Shia who he had in fact developed something called “Romantic Feelings” for.  (Eeeeewwww)  It is discovered later she herself was in fact an imperial spy.  (Go figure.)

The story itself was pedantic and plodding, like much comic book literature of its time, designed to make money off the brainless masses such as myself, but there was something else going on in the plot of this book I found myself drawn to.  Wouldn’t it be amazing if I could go through my life completely undetected by other people:  as if I didn’t exist at all.  It sounded like heaven on earth to me, and I began at that very moment, to strive for such an existence.   I believe I have at last achieved that lifelong goal.

It is, at the time of this writing, “Saturday Night.” It’s only a little after 6 pm.  Within an hour I shall be in bed, at a time when most people are probably just getting ready to do something called “Going out for the evening.”  (Boy that sure sounds like fun)

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(I’d like to point out that the human female on the right hand side of the photo literally appears to have puke filling her mouth at the same time as she is attempting to consume alcoholic beverages through her forehead. Wow.  What a good time.)

I am happy to report I do not have the burden of such stupidity.  At the exact same time that most of these drunkards (and most likely Trump Supporters) are passing out in puddles of their own vomit or waking up to ass-rapings in their jail cells I will be getting out of my bed, stone cold sober and ready for my day, in a dark, quiet and mostly empty world.  I will wander about town, playing a game on my cell phone and encountering only bums and town drunkards, the likes of which can easily (and most amusingly) be dismissed with a cheerful “Merry Christmas!  Good Morning!” as I continue listening to my headphones and playing my GPS based game.  (And no it is not Pokemon Go!. That game is for losers.  (Not that there’s anything wrong with that.))

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All of these people are probably going to vote for Donald Trump. 

This new phase of my existence has been most enjoyable, and I hope it continues for the rest of the my sentence on this piece of shit excuse for a planet.

So let’s get down to the Pros and Cons of being a Pariah. (That was, after all, the title of this Blog.)

PROS:

1.) I don’t have to attend “Music Concerts.”  (I’ve managed to avoid all but one this entire year, and I literally took a nap through most of that one, so I think I deserve a pass on it.)  The truth is I despise music and all those who perform it.  I wouldn’t be disappointed at all if they were all suddenly exterminated at the earliest possible convenience.   “Music” serves no purpose other than to annoy me.

2.) I never have to “Entertain Visitors.”  (Or as I like to call it:  “Waiting For People To Leave.”)

3.)  Food.  All the food I can eat.  Nothing else matters.  I can afford to eat anything I want, and it doesn’t matter how grotesquely obese I become, because nobody else’s opinion has any meaning to me.  Homeless starving people can all go to hell. (That is, of course, if I believed in such nonsense as “Hell.”   But, you know what:  SCIENCE! bitches,)

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CONS:

None.

All right it’s bed time.  I hope everyone reading this dies a horribly violent death in the next ten seconds or so.  (Just kidding.  😉 ) .

For I Have Become Fart Denizen: Destroyer Of Worlds.

26 Dec

There are many wonderful benefits to not having any friends or family and this is never more apparent than on December 25th, or as some people call it:  “Christmas.”

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Christmas, oddly enough, has actually become my favorite day of the year.  I don’t have to work.  I don’t have to go anywhere.  I don’t have to do anything, and most importantly I don’t have to see or talk to anyone.  It’s the one day of the year I can truly be by myself all day long.  In fact, much of the world around me becomes a sort of ghost town allowing me to pretend I am the lone survivor of some sort of Apocalypse that wiped out everyone except me and left buildings, trees and animals alone.  (That’s my favorite type of Apocalypse fantasy.)

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This is from a very underrated Charlton Heston movie entitled Omega Man

Not having anyone in my life to exchange gifts with, dine with or hang out with has freed me up to develop my own particular traditions on this annual day of extreme solitude. For quite some time I referred to the day simply as “Lord of the Rings Day” and would spend it watching all three extended edition Lord of the Rings movies.  (All 10 hours or so.)  I’d hunker down on the couch in my empty apartment, immerse myself in a cocoon of pillows and blankets, surround myself with food and other recreational substances, and spend the whole day in Middle Earth.

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As it turned out I got kind of bored with that after five years or so.

Another favorite Christmas hobby I came up with was to find a popular grocery store of some kind,  closed for the so called holiday, and just sit across the street from it all day watching one moron after another pull into the completely empty parking lot, climb out of their car and waddle up to the door of the completely dark, OBVIOUSLY closed place of business.  Sometimes they smack right into the glass like a bird hitting a window.  Sometimes they stand there and peer through the door, thinking there just has to be someone inside to let them come in and purchase whatever idiotic item they forgot to buy yesterday.  (They never seem to notice the sign posted on the door informing them the store is closed for the holiday.)  Usually, after several minutes of peering through the windows, the frustrated shopper will stomp back to their vehicle, completely aghast at the realization that they aren’t as entitled as they thought they were.  Such entertaining antics never fail to get a laugh out of me, though it also takes what little faith I may have once had in humanity down a couple more notches.

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Duuuuh…Are they open?

I thought it would be fun to set up a little judging station across the street, and I could rate people based on their performance.  The slow drive-by gawkers would just get a 1 or 2, but the  ones who actually park, get out of their cars and walk up to the door would get higher ratings based on their reactions.  I suppose I could probably even create my own reality show, but the truth is I loathe reality television and everything it stands for.

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I assure you we are NOT open.

  Then,a couple months ago, I started playing this game called Ingress.  I was dead set against it for the longest time, mostly because I was dead set against ever getting a cell phone.  For purely philosophical reasons I was determined to be the last person on Earth without a mobile communication device.  For one thing I like being off the grid.  For another, I generally think people who walk around (or drive around) texting or talking or just staring at their phones are the worst type of scum on the planet.  These are the kind of people who believe Onion articles or Fox News, can’t wait to vote for Donald Trump, and smell their fingers after they wipe their butts.  (I call people who do this “Shit n’ Sniffs.”)

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These half wits will no doubt be running our alleged “country” in a few more years.

 

Alas, some time ago my  employers gave me… you guessed it… a fucking cell phone, thus ruining my 40+ year streak of getting by just fine without one.

As it turns out, I really only use it for one purpose; to play a video game.  So now I myself have become that which I have always despised more than anything else:  “A Cell Phone Scum.”  This is why I selected a fitting moniker for my player profile:  “Fart Denizen.”

I must admit, however, there is something really cool about this particular game.  Unlike most video games one actually has to physically walk around to play it!  Using GPS technology the game takes place in real space, and players choose to be on either the green faction (aka: cool people) of the blue faction (aka: mindless tools) and these two factions battle to take over virtual portals located all over the world.   In some ways it works very much like an rpg, in that you have to level your player character up by performing various actions.  (Which is also why I so easily became addicted to it.)

Christmas, as it turned out, was the perfect time to go out, early in the morning (I left my apartment at 2:30 am) and take over the entire city.  Usually downtown Ann Arbor is almost all blue portals, but by noon I had it looking like this.

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I also got to add to my collection of cool pictures of downtown Ann Arbor with no annoying people in them.

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Suffice it to say, Ann Arbor would be a much cooler place to live if it looked like this all the time.

 

Mix and Mingle

6 Sep

This is a reblog from Be Free 2 Love, who is dedicating Sundays on her blog for meet and greets, which are always fun ways to find new blogs and new followers for your own blog!  Come by and check it out!

http://befree2love.com/2015/09/06/connect-with-memix-and-mingle/

I’ve Decided To Take A Day Off From Blogging Tonight

2 Sep

It was bound to happen eventually.  Sometimes I just don’t feel like doing something, and when I don’t feel like doing something I usually don’t do it.

The oppressive misery of the never ending Michigan summer continues unabated.  Eventually it might cool down a little.  At some point we might even get that day or two of “winter” we sometimes get treated to, but I have little faith.  Every day my dream of moving to Antarctica seems more and more like a fabulous idea.  Very few people, absolutely NO hot days, and to top it all off, there may even be the possibility of having my body taken over and mimicked by an alien life form dead set on taking over the entire human race.  Sounds like a dream come true right now.

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My crummy mood has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that I’ve had very little sleep lately.  Last night, for instance I was exhausted, and had to get up quite early the next morning, however not only did I have to endure the sensation that i was being baked in an oven, there was an annoying insect, bird or frog of some kind making an incessant noise over and over again, and it sounded like they were right outside my window.  (I know what you’re thinking but it wasn’t a cricket. I know what a cricket sounds like, and this wasn’t it.  I can actually sleep through cricket noise.  In fact I almost find it soothing.)  This, on the other hand, was a single, piercing, obnoxious repeating noise.  I’ve been racking my brain all day to find a way to describe the sound, but nothing quite captures it.  I suppose the closest I can come is a cross between a click and a chirp.  So I guess it was kind of like a “Clirp.”  It took place, almost without fail about every one and a half seconds.  Sometimes it would stop for a couple minutes, and as soon as I thought it was over, it would start again.

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CLIRP!   CLIRP!  CLIRP!!!

I laid in bed, wanting nothing more than to get at least five hours of sleep.  My eyes closed tight yet seemingly wide open at the same time.  The droning white noise of three fans surrounding my head did nothing to mask the insistent call of the mystery creature.

CLIRP!  CLIRP!  CLIRP! ………CLIRP!

I tried putting on these great big sound cancelling headphones on (They look like Princess Leia’s hair) but alas, not only was it impossible to fall asleep while wearing them, I COULD STILL HEAR THAT DAMN NOISE!!!  (And all I wanted was to try to obtain 4 hours of sleep.)

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I developed a real seething hatred for whatever living thing was making this noise.  It had to be doing it for no other reason than to torment me.  I fantasized about getting my hands on the creature, which I for some reason imagined to be some kind of giant locust, and slowly (yes slowly) crushing the life out of it.  A quick death would not do.  I longed to tighten my fingers around it’s body slowly while it’s eyeballs bulged and eventually it’s exoskeleton cracked, allowing its yellow guts to drizzle out in all directions as it writhed and withered helplessly to the ground.  (And all I wanted was 3 hours of sleep.)

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CLIRP!   CLIRP!…………….

…….

DId it finally stop?

……….

Could it be?

CLIRP! CLIRP! CLIRP! CLIRP! CLIRP!

So that’s how my night went.  Here and there I would manage to doze off, only to be awakened again to find that only a few minutes had passed.

Eventually I did fall asleep for a grand total of perhaps 2 and a half hours, yet for some reason, as I sit here not writing a blog, I’m not tired.  It may have something to so with the rum that I am consuming, or the fact that I’ve decided at long last to take a night off from contributing a post to my blog, or perhaps it’s the cruel irony that I most likely have to go through it all again tonight.

Also I had to take a drug test today for my promotion at work.  Tomorrow night I have absolutely no intention of writing about how awful that was.

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Scary Movies

1 Sep

After a full month of daily blog posts for the entire month of August I almost took a day off today.  I was really going to do it.  But then a very good friend, who is sort of a new friend even though I’ve known her for about 20 years already came to the rescue and convinced me to keep going, so I’m going to try like hell to get something written that I actually feel is worthy of being posted in the next 32 minutes.   (So the thing is I would actually have an additional 4 hours to do this if my WordPress was set to the correct timezone, but at the moment I can’t figure out how to fix it, so I’ve decided to just carry on with a sort of stream of consciousness rant for a little while, and in that way I will be able to continue this daily blog posting one more day.)

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To be honest I’m really having a hard time writing anything right now.  It’s HOT.  Sticky.  This sort of weather drains me of my energy, my ambition, and my inspiration and all I really want to do is lay down and go to sleep, but the problem with that is I can’t sleep when it’s like this.  It’s hard for me to come up with ideas.  It’s hard for me to be funny, or even to find amusement in much of anything.  I get depressed.  Irritable. Morose.  It’s hard for me to think. September has arrived at long last, which means there is some hope for the near future, but it still seems like a distant promise, somewhere lingering over the horizon like a shimmering mirage, that continually fades away as you approach it.

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I’m not a huge fan of winter either, but I can adjust to it much better.  Another layer of clothes, some boots and a scarf.  Problem solved.  Big deal.  And the best part about winter is I never have any problem getting enough sleep.

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October is by far my favorite month, and it’s only a little over 4 weeks away. I live for those glorious 31 days and I wish I could live in a place where it was October all the time.   (Admittedly, in my neck of the woods, even much of that month is a little warmer than I would like, but at least it is usually interspersed with a couple of cool spells here and there.)  There are other things about October that I like in addition to the slightly cooler temperatures. I love the fall colors.  I love the crisp cool air and the smell of burning leaves, and of course, the thing I look forward to most, the one and only holiday I actually celebrate.  The day I look forward to all year long. Halloween!  It has always been my favorite.  You can keep your Christmas presents and your Thanksgiving turkeys and your Fourth of July fireworks as I have very little use for any of that foolishness.  My whole year revolves around October 31st.  For real.

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This may have something to do with my love for horror movies.  For as long as I can remember I have loved scary movies.  The interesting thing about that is I never really found them scary.  I just enjoyed them. I was literally obsessed with the idea that there was this dark supernatural hidden world lurking somewhere behind the boring hum drum perceived world that we live our day to day lives in.  The world I longed for was filled with monsters, ghouls, and nightmarish landscapes.  It was a world like the one created by Wes Craven.

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As usual I was messing around on the internet before work yesterday which was when I learned of his recent death.  People will always remember him mostly as the guy who gave us Freddy Krueger.  I loved the Nightmare on Elm Street movies, (which were great in their own right)  but my own particular favorite of his came a little earlier than that, in 1977.

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 In it a vacationing family of wide eyed simpletons get lost in the desert, and are stalked and killed off, one by one by an isolated family of cannibalistic mutants.  It’s great fun for the whole family and contains one of the most hilarious scenes in all of cinematic history, which involves an angry patriarch, a road map, and a rabbit on the road.  (It takes place about fifteen minutes into the film, and had me laughing so hard the first time I saw it I almost fell off the couch.)

If you want a good scare.  (And a good laugh)  Check it out sometime.  That’s all I got tonight.

August. I came. I saw. I kicked its ass!

31 Aug

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With this blog post I have successfully completed my “Blog a Day for the Month of August” challenge. (I…Rule.)

I’ve had an excellent month, though it was one that began and ended with the tragic loss of two of my favorite icons of pop culture.  It all started late on a Friday night, as I sat in front of my computer, drinking and writing a blog, a manner in which I spend many a Friday night.  I began a blog that was meant to be a political rant, but discovered in the midst of it that Rowdy Roddy Piper had passed away, and quickly jumped track to eulogize the professional wrestling legend. By the time I posted it, it was Saturday morning, August 1st.

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Another Friday Night and I Ain’t Got No Roddy

The next night I wrote a follow up post, explaining the title of the previous night’s blog.  It was then I realized I might have a chance at a blog a day for an entire month, as here it was only the second day of the month, and I had already posted TWO BLOGS IN A ROW!!!  (A heretofore unheard of effort.)

Another Saturday Night and I Ain’t Got Nobody

Next I added an excerpt from my journal, A blog about a boring walk across town, and a reblog of my very first blog, which I thought was ok since I had never in fact posted it to my own blog.  (They were all pretty much cop outs, but hey, they were still blog posts, and I know at least one person besides myself liked them.)  Then I crafted what I believe to be my finest fucking blog yet.

Just Another Fucking Blog Post

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And followed it up the next evening with an explanatory blog for the previous day’s blogging efforts.  (Have I used the word “blog” enough times yet?  Didn’t think so.)

Profanity is Fucking Hilarious

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I then regaled my dear readers with an exciting adventure from the land of the Dollar Store.

Welcome to the Dollar Store, Where you Will Never Find A More Wretched Hive of Scum and Villainy

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After another foray into anti Rescumlican Rantings, I finally got down to penning the tale of my alleged Michael Jackson Puppet Show, a momentous event from my 4th Grade, and one which peers have been pestering me to write for many thousands of centuries.

The Alleged Michael Jackson Puppet Show

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After a couple more days of blogging I began a ten day paid vacation, at the beginning of which I announced my intentions to consume no less than 100 beers.  (I closed out at 112, though the chart only indicates 104, which is due to the fact that I drank 8 more after posting it.)  I also committed to writing the tale of the most hilarious game of baseball ever played, went to the dinosaur museum, and wrote an epic five part mini series about my experiences at Cedar Point. (In other news of my tumultuous vacation I added the 1000th CD to my collection, had my biggest day ever for Site views, and took part in a Stream of Consciousness Blog Post.)

Ten Cent Beer Night

Not Necessarily NOT About Dinosaurs Or Anything Else

The Cedar Point Chronicles Part One

The Cedar Point Chronicles Part Two

The Cedar Point Chronicles Part Three

The Cedar Point Chronicles Part 4

The Cedar Point Epilogue

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The sad return to work on Monday did not prevent me from continuing my daily blog posting.  I will admit, the “blog” I posted on the 30th, which was actually just a photo manipulation project, without much text, was sort of a cop out, but what you may not have noticed, even if you’ve been following along, is that I did actually post TWO blogs on August 28th, so I figure it kind of evens out.  I also showed you what my room looks like.

A Rare Glimpse Into the World Of An Aspiring Blogger.

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And took part in another Stream of Consciousness Saturday.  This one dedicated to Salvador Dali.

DALI 

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And here at last is my final blog for August, thus completing my blog a day promise, a promise I myself thought I hadn’t a snowball’s chance in hell of accomplishing.  Of course, according to Dante, Hell is actually a very very cold place.  (So maybe he was right.)

And to end August on yet another note of sadness, I found out this morning that Wes Craven, master of horror has died.  The world of horror will never be the same.  Tomorrow night, I think I might write a whole blog post dedicated to him, and my love for his movies, which may very well start me off on the right foot towards the successful completion of a blog a day for the entire month of September, but I cannot and will not make any such lofty promises at this time.

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Kim Kardashian To Star in Remake of Goonies

30 Aug

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HEEEEEEEY YOUUUUU GUUUUUUYS!!!

DALI

29 Aug

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The Friday Reminder and Prompt for #SoCS August 29/15

Tonight’s SocS theme is “Four Letter Words.”  I’ve chosen Dali.

I checked a book out of the library a couple weeks ago called The Shameful Life of Salvador Dali by Ian Gibson.  Since I generally only read while I’m in the bathroom ( a room I also refer to as “The Library”)  I haven’t got that far through it, but it served as the inspiration for tonight’s Stream of Consciousness post, and I have decided to run with it, literally. (DALI)

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I suppose I’m kind of cheating a little already here, because is Dali really a word, or is it a name?  And can a name be a word?  I think it can, especially in a case in which an artist, personality macabre character such as Salvador Dali has turned his own life into a legacy very few have not been touched by?  Who hasn’t seen his haunting image of melting clocks, perhaps his most famous work?  (DALI)

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Dali Parton

Long legged elephants, burning giraffes, bizarre twisted insect beings and images vaguely representative of naked women dominate his artwork, which was absolutely brilliant in every way.  Upon being drummed out of the “Surrealists” by other surrealists he responded by saying “I am Surrealism” and he was most likely correct.  Who has even heard of any of those other guys who has not heard of Salvador Dali? (DALI)

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Dali Madison

He didn’t just paint in a surreal fashion he lived it as well.  And he created so many other things.  Statues, clothing jewelry, films. He built his own museum which eventually became his own mausoleum. He even starred in a couple of hilarious television advertisements and made a guest appearance on a game show called What’s My Line? (DALI)

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The Dali Llama

He was Spanish.  he had a crazy pointy mustache.  He loved Alice Cooper, and a woman named Gala, ten years his senior and they stayed married for 50 years.  He pissed on a painting Andy Warhol gave him as a gift, an act Warhol thought was great!  He did what he wanted.  He was the center of the universe while he was alive, which was from sometime in 1904 until sometime in 1989.   (DALI)

Mohammed Dali

Mohamed Dali

I vaguely remember a VHS tape a friend of mine had called DALI!  Which was a sort of weird combination of bizarre music videos and little bits of biography interspersed with a lot of footage of Dali behaving in the most eccentric manner.  I spent hour on the internet today, trying to find clips from it, but ended up somehow watching a ten minute segment of Bradley Cooper and Jimmy Fallon unable to stop cracking up while discussing a play about The Elephant Man.  That has nothing to do at all with Salvador Dali but I’m leaving it in here anyway because this is a Stream of Consciousness Blog and everything must stay.  (DALI)

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In a final attempt to make this bizarre post seem somewhat relevant, I will add that Dali was influenced by many four letter things.  Dada.  Poop.  Butt.  Land.  Time.  Ants.  Gala.

(DALI)

The_Persistence_of_Memory

A note on how I did this.  I came up with the idea while reading my library book this morning.  I spent my day perusing videos about Dali, reading internet articles about Dali, poring through my library book about Dali, and doctoring up my own images of Dali.  So I suppose that means I put a little more thought into this than I was supposed to.  But then I just sat down and wrote it in one continuous stream of blathering, and afterwards went through and fixed only the typos. so I at least did that right.  I’m going to tell you that there are some phrases in this writing that I would really like to edit, but I won’t, because that would most certainly be cheating!  (I added the images afterward as well.)

(DALI)

De Ja Vu

28 Aug

My work day today was a different sort of trip all together.  Melancholy, fun, exciting, sad.  It was all of those things.  It was my last full day at the Maple Rd. Plum Market, a place I have worked for 6 and a half years.  It may not sound like much to some people, but it is, by far, the longest I have worked anywhere in my life, and I have absolutely LOVED working there. Mostly it’s because I love the people I work with, but I also really sincerely enjoy doing my job.   For the entire time I’ve been at Plum, and most of the time I was at my previous job (A place called Bello Vino) I have been a buyer, which is, in many ways, the perfect job for me.  Being a buyer involves a lot of different things, such as talking to vendors, using bizarre electronic ordering devices, talking to people on the phone, throwing stock, merchandising product (which is not the same as stocking, by the way) ,messing around on computers, and of course a certain amount of goofing off (which is, of course, a requirement of every job, otherwise what’s the point?)  Basically it all boils down to this:  I get to spend a bunch of someone else’s money!   (And that’s awesome.)

Plum_Market_Ann_Arbor_Michigan

Wait a minute, I think I already said all that.  Oh that’s RIGHT!  I already had my “last day” at Plum Market (Maple Road Edition).  It was two weeks ago today.  Then I had over a week off, during which time (On Wednesday I believe) I was called and informed they weren’t going to be ready for me yet at the new location for another week.  Therefore all my teary eyed heartfelt good byes had been a lie.  “Just kidding!”

The-Simpsons-06x12-Homer-the-Great

But seriously folks, my second last day was pretty awesome.  First and most importantly I got another round of “Good Bye Hugs” from all the cute girls that I work with, and let’s face it.  there’s never anything wrong with that.  I spent most of my 8 hour shift “training my replacement” and since my job really wasn’t ever that hard to begin with, that meant shooting the shit about my favorite movies and music throughout my entire shift, while casually pointing out various methods with which to make the “work” even easier.

I got to leave Plum Market for awhile to go pick up the company van (with which I will be driving myself to and from training for the next couple of weeks)  Ever the conniver, I used this golden opportunity to pick up pizzas and crazy bread at Little Caesars to bring back and share with my co workers, and stopped by a local Kroger where I had noticed several of our shopping carts hanging out a few days earlier.  (I stopped to pick them up with the company van.)  The unruly carts bounced back and forth in the back of the van the whole way, and at one point, when I pulled up to a stop light with motherfuckers tailing my ass the whole way, I became convinced I hadn’t actually closed the back door tight enough, and for sure somebody was going to get a shopping cart surprise through their windshield.  (Unfortunately this did not happen. I was actually kind of disappointed, as it would have been hilarious and well deserved.)

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So I had to make do with showing back up to my last hour of work with a shit ton of free pizza for everybody.  (Well it wasn’t actually “free.”  I mean I had to pay for it after all.  But nobody else did.  One person gave me a dollar.   That was awesome.  I used it to buy a candy bar later.)

I did the same thing two weeks ago on my other “Last Day.”  People asked if we were going to have a pizza party on all my “last days.”  I said “Of course we are!”  Alas, I’m pretty sure this was, in fact the last day, as I was officially given the keys to the company van, with which I am to begin driving myself to and from the training sessions for my position in the new store in a couple weeks. (So I guess it’s official.)

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I left work at noon, with as little fanfare as possible.  (I’d had enough of that already)  I came home and took a nap on the couch, during which time I had two cats sleeping on me, which I have no complaints about.  (They make good pets, and they make even better blankets)

A few hours later I was called back to have a beer with a good friend I have worked with there for a few years now.  (It’s sort of a tradition.)  I had one of these and it was amazing.

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And now i’m back in my apartment drinking White Russians, the drink of choice for the evening.  I plan to continue doing so until I puke, pass out, or die.  (Most likely somewhere in between all those options.)

AlyZen Moonshadow

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AlyZen Moonshadow

The words and works of AlyZen Moonshadow, digital mixed media photography artist, designer, musician, poet, philosopher, mother, muse, Goddess!

Are You Finished Yet?

I like to write about stuff. I usually try to be funny. Take it or leave it.

Michael's Origins

Sherlock unlocking the past

anewperspectiveperhaps

This site is about everything from my philosophy on life to the little things that make me laugh. IIt is about living, and breathing, and pausing long enough to take it all in. I hope it makes you laugh, sometimes makes you cry, but always makes you want to come back for another visit. It is your words, and your likes that inspire me to keep writing. And it is through my writing that you have a very large window to my soul. Relax awhile, read, and enjoy!

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