Remember Myspace? (Me neither)

27 Apr

Current mood:nostalgic

I really am planning on being more active on here once I figure some things out.  I was trying to write a blog about the time I attempted to walk from Ann Arbor to Chicago.  (that’s a little over 200 miles if you’re unfamiliar with Midwestern United States geography, and I almost made it, but that’s a story for another day.)  The thing is I was trying to insert quite a few pictures from my journey and the formatting was giving me trouble, so I had to take a break.  I’m sure I’ll figure it out eventually, but I have a low threshold for frustration.  Sometimes I even break things.  Better for me to work on that one a little at a time.
Q0s0czNzczhhNUkx_o_office-space-fax-machine-scene
In the meantime I figured it was time to post something, so I came up with the extremely novel idea (that I’m sure nobody’s ever thought of) of visiting my LONG neglected Myspace profile and digging up one of my better blogs from “The Good Ole Days.”    
Here’s the thing: I can’t figure out how to log into Myspace anymore either.  I have a different computer now that doesn’t know any of my old e-mail addressees or passwords, and it seems neither do I.  
So here, as best as I can remember, is a synopsis of my top ten favorite Myspace blogs.  It will at least give you a general idea of what sorts of things you can expect from me in the future.  
 (I’m doing this Lettermen style.)10.  Easter…(Huh)…Good God Y’all!…(What is it good for?)…Absolutely NOTHIN!

in which I relate that year’s Easter Sunday’s events with me and my friend Melanie trying desperately to locate an eating establishment in which to consume a cheeseburger and fries.  (I know I talk about cheeseburgers a lot, right?)  Also in this blog I personally invented the phrase “Zombie Jesus Day” before anyone else did, and I haven’t heard the end of it since.  I think I even saw it on South Park once.  (Those assholes are always stealing my ideas!)

ZombieJC9.  YES!  I Score Ten More ‘Dork Points’!!

in which I discuss an incident in downtown Ann Arbor where I found myself actually striking up a brief conversation with a cute girl behind the counter at Border’s where I was purchasing an Aquabats cd, only to realize with sudden and abject horror, I was wearing an Aquabats T-shirt!  I quickly extracted myself from the situation.

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8.  FUCK the police!…fuck fuck FUCK the police!in which I describe a drunken stroll home from Aubree’s (a bar in downtown Ypsilanti, MI)   in the middle of the night whereupon I got into an altercation with some police officers while cutting through campus.  Yet another in a long line of events which probably should have led to my arrest and incarceration.  (For the record, I actually felt bad about it the next day.  They were just doing their jobs after all.)

7.  I’m Big in Japan

in which I discuss at great length and with many amusing digressions just how awesome Tom Waits is.  (I was…as usual…drunk and possibly under the influence of a certain type of plant fume.)

TW16.  Please…Kill…Me…

In which I admit that for reasons I cannot adequately explain I don’t really seem to hate baseball quite as much as I hate other sports.  What prompted this blog was the fact that earlier that day (at work, I might add) I had found myself thoroughly engrossed in something called “A Tiger’s Game”, and actually got excited when that particular team emerged victorious.  I closed that blog by warning my alleged readers that the next time they saw me I might very well be sitting on my front porch wearing a Nascar t-shirt, blaring 50 cent and Garth Brooks at top volume from a boom box, and drinking out of a 40 ounce of King Cobra in a brown paper bag.

5.  I’m Not Really an Asshole.  I Just Play One on TV.

in which I rambled incessantly about my personal views on many things.  Including the fact that I hate political parties, organized religion, sports, summer, commercialism, so called authority figures, and society in general.  (Though I genuinely seem to like and make friends with pretty much every person that I meet individually)  In other words:  I love people, I just hate people.  

4. Blogging Is Clearly For Scumbags

This was my first blog ever.  In this (my first blog ever)  I tried to insult every single person who has ever written a blog, mainly because I simply HATE the word blog.  I still hate the word “blog.”  It almost made me not want to do this.  Why did they have to come up with such a stupid name?    

3.  HG Wells Eat Your Heart Out!

In which, after indulging in a particular sort of herbal sinus remedy that you’re supposed to light on fire and then inhale, I managed to come up with a mathematical formula that proved once and for all that time travel is indeed possible.  Unfortunately I published it exclusively to my Myspace blog.  (Which I apparently can no longer remember how to log into.)  The first thing I was planning on doing with my new found discovery? Go back in time and attempt to seduce and have sex with Audrey Hepburn (circa Breakfast at Tiffany’s time period).  Now that would be putting science to good use!  Forget about going back in time and killing Hitler, cause we all know that would cause paradoxes and shit.

2.  A Drunk Domingo Is Not A Good Domingo To Invite Into Your House!

in which I start out by apologizing to a friend whose floor I had apparently urinated on in a drunken stupor the night before.  (I couldn’t remember.)  I then launched into a tale from my past, relating one of the very few times in my life I could have actually scored with an attractive girl!  (One who had picked me up from the bar no less!)  Alas, my prospects were dashed when I vomited on myself, her floor, her bed, and her.  (She never returned my calls after that.)

lardass-05
                                                                                            LARDASS! LARDASS! LARDASS!1.  Domingo’s Inferno

in which I relate a recent descent I made into Hell, accompanied by some dude named Vergil.  (We saw a lot of fucked up shit.)

gustave_dore_inferno32

One Response to “Remember Myspace? (Me neither)”

  1. domingosaurus June 28, 2015 at 8:29 pm #

    Reblogged this on Not Necessarily About Dinosaurs or Anything Else.

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AlyZen Moonshadow

The words and works of AlyZen Moonshadow, digital mixed media photography artist, designer, musician, poet, philosopher, mother, muse, Goddess!

Are You Finished Yet?

I like to write about stuff. I usually try to be funny. Take it or leave it.

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Sherlock unlocking the past

anewperspectiveperhaps

This site is about everything from my philosophy on life to the little things that make me laugh. IIt is about living, and breathing, and pausing long enough to take it all in. I hope it makes you laugh, sometimes makes you cry, but always makes you want to come back for another visit. It is your words, and your likes that inspire me to keep writing. And it is through my writing that you have a very large window to my soul. Relax awhile, read, and enjoy!

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AlyZen Moonshadow

The words and works of AlyZen Moonshadow, digital mixed media photography artist, designer, musician, poet, philosopher, mother, muse, Goddess!

Are You Finished Yet?

I like to write about stuff. I usually try to be funny. Take it or leave it.

Michael Rios

Sherlock unlocking the past

anewperspectiveperhaps

This site is about everything from my philosophy on life to the little things that make me laugh. IIt is about living, and breathing, and pausing long enough to take it all in. I hope it makes you laugh, sometimes makes you cry, but always makes you want to come back for another visit. It is your words, and your likes that inspire me to keep writing. And it is through my writing that you have a very large window to my soul. Relax awhile, read, and enjoy!

Be Free 2 Love

Soaring through Life, Love, & Happiness: One story at time.

PotatoPen

That's right! I write!

Forty, c'est Fantastique !

La vie est belle !

Mr Tookles

tee hee

The Dependent Independent

TV, movies, books…rants… just trying to put skills to use.

Fictional Kevin

Cigar Fueled Creative Writing

Tubularsock

". . . first hand coverage, second hand news"

Elizabeth Conrad

True stories from a recovering asshole.

jenny's lark

the beauty of an ordinary life

Skinny and Single

Single and Over 40 and Not Suicidal About It

BunKaryudo

Lovingly Hand-Crafted Humor Blog

Life After 50

Life at any age can be amazing! We only need to grab hold & experience it!

Lessons from my daughter

Although all doctors agreed she would do nothing.....

lindaseccaspina

remembers the invention of the wheel

Fiction Favorites

with John W. Howell

Retro Girl & the Chemo Kid

Superpower: love. Adventures through childhood cancer, grief, healing and happiness.

What Rhymes with Stanza?

Words at rest, words at play

Life and Random Thinking

A old dog CAN blog

Just Fred in Wyo

Just a guy living life. These are my personal words and photos.

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Our next Chapter

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Acorns. And scurrying.

The Falling Thoughts

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My mind poops here

emmakwall (explains it all)

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