A Few Things That Scared Me “Shit-less” When I was a Kid

13 Jun

From as far back as I can remember, which is a really really REALLY long time, I’ve had an extremely active imagination.  This has been aided immensely by several disturbing images that were burned into my brain at a very young age.  Thanks to the help of  something called “The Internet”, I’ve decided to share a few of those disturbing images with you.  (I sincerely hope they fuck your shit up as much as they have mine.)

I’ll start with two I was unable to locate in spite of the day’s astounding technology.  Perhaps if I had more patience I would have succeeded, but I’m not getting any younger, and tonight a post simply had to be written.  So I’ll describe them for you instead.

1.) Creepy Bird Monster Painting:

This was a small painting some friend of my dad’s had on their wall.  (I have no idea who this friend was, or where the home was in which I witnessed this painting, but I assure you it was creepy as fuck.)  The painting depicted a giant bird monster with two or perhaps even three heads and it was eating people.  That wasn’t the part that bothered me most though.  The part that bothered me most was the fact that it had eyes that resembled those of Kermit the Frog.

2.)  Scary Black light Monster Poster:

The second was a black light poster I had in my room as a child.  (This was most likely sometime in the late 70’s, though it could have been as recent as the early 80’s.)  In those days we had something called “Black Light Posters.”  The one I had in my room, which I had probably selected myself at “Spencer’s” (at the Mall) featured several different kinds of monsters, including a mummy, a multi-eyed purple blob with a gaping maw full of hideous fangs, a creepy castle, a full moon with bats flying over it, and a bunch of other scary shit.  (You know, standard monster fare.)  One night the sight of the purple blob thing really got to me.  I spent the night in a brightly lit bathroom, reading Dr. Seuss books.

I was unable to locate imagery of either of these two things.  Your own imaginations will have to suffice.

3.) Tornadoes.

So the earliest fear I can remember clearly having is Tornadoes.  I suppose, in actuality, a lot of people fear tornadoes, which makes perfect sense really, especially if you live in the Midwest.  (Which I do.)  I feared them so much during my childhood in fact that if the sky turned even a light shade of grey, I was in the basement until it cleared up.   When you think about it, tornadoes really are giant monsters walking the earth, destroying whoever or whatever they feel like, at random.   They are unpredictable and scary.  DON’T YOU JUDGE ME!!!!

Tornadoes

4. Deliverance.)

Then there was this movie I saw at some point.  Until I saw it again many years later, I remembered nothing about it except for one of the final scenes, in which one of the main characters (turned out it was Jon Voight) has a nightmare in which a completely featureless hand reaches up out of the still water of a lake.  Something about the fact that the hand had no features transformed it in my head into a sort of white gloved Mickey Mouse hand.  (That was fucking creepy.)  I found out later the movie was Deliverance, and had something to do with a fat guy getting butt raped in the woods by hillbillies.  (Ho Hum, when it gets right down to it, a white gloved Mickey Mouse hand rising slowly out of water is still way scarier.)

deliverance-hand2

5.)  The Temptation of Dr. Antonio.

Speaking of vague (and as it turned out later: completely false) movie memories, I had another one that I did not discover the source of  until quite recently.  Even as a small child I was frequently up quite late, suffering from some sort of insomnia I guess, and one of my more vivid late night memories was of some black and white horror movie I caught very late at night when nobody else was awake but me.  Here is the synopsis, as I recall: Some guy is living by himself in a small apartment in a big city.  Early on in the film he is enjoying a nice open view of the city, but then a billboard goes up directly blocking the view from his window.  It features an attractive woman in a leopard print bathing suit of some kind.  At first he is simply annoyed but things start to get really creepy.  He looks out the window one day and notices that the girl in the billboard has shifted positions and is now staring directly into the window of his apartment, directly at him.  Then, a few days later, he looks out the window and notices she is gone!  He panics and runs screaming into the street.  He hears giant footsteps following him.  The punchline (or twist ending if you will) is the man id found dead in the park the next day, official explanation: Heart Attack.  (No sign anywhere of giant woman from billboard.)

anita poster

Here’s the best part.  After DECADES of hunting for some clue as to the existence (or non existence) of this film, I have recently discovered that is is in fact quite real.  It’s called The Temptation of Dr. Antonio.   It’s in color.  It’s one of a four part movie entitled Boccacio 70, each segment being directed by a different famous director of some renown.    The part in question was directed by a dude named Fellini.  He was Italian, as is the dialogue in the film.  Turns out the film is pretty much a light hearted comedy, and there is really nothing scary about it.  Furthermore the woman in the billboard (Anita Eckberg) is wearing a dress, not a leopard print bathing suit.  How my brain transformed this into something completely different than it actually was I have no idea, but it still scared the shit out of me.  (I actually kind of like my version better, and have an ongoing fantasy of filming it myself someday.)

6.)  The Return of the Jedi.

Forget Ewoks. Forget Admiral Ackbar’s unforgettable sudden realization that “It’s a Trap!”  Forget the Emperor’s creepy wrinkled prune face.  At one point early on in the film, a Gamorrean Guard gets slurped down (squealing like a pig I might add) by a giant monster known simply as The Rancor.   This gave me shivers when I was 9, and still does 30 years later.

5239931_jnionl080406064914

7.)  Twilight Zone: The Movie

Finally, to close out the portion of this text devoted to “Things I Saw in Movies,” there was a scene in a certain movie where a guy pulls a rabbit out of a hat.  (It turned out to be no ordinary rabbit)

tumblr_m20xftRMMf1rt74cqo1_500

 

8.) Molly Hatchet

So let’s move onto album covers, shall we?  My parents, it seems were big fans of Molly Hatchet, so naturally I too became one. The album covers generally featured fantasy paintings by a guy named Frank Frazetta.  (Incidentally, he also created the cover art for pretty much every issue of the Savage Sword of Conan magazine.)  Here’s one that left a particularly deep groove in my psyche:

Molly_Hatchet_-_Molly_Hatchet

 

9.)  News of the World

And speaking of album covers, my parents were also big fans of Queen.   Here’s the inner gatefold of the album that had that “We Will Rock You” song on it. just in case you’ve never seen it.

IMG_2432

Now I know what some of you might be thinking.  I stole this “joke” from Family Guy.  I assure you I did not.   I was seriously transfixed and simultaneously traumatized by this album art as a child.  Seth MacFarlane apparently knows this and has used said knowledge to become a billionaire and host the Academy Awards…all at my own expense.  (Fuck you Seth MacFarlane for capitalizing on my childhood pain)

10.)  The Deluge

I’ve always loved Dinosaurs.  They don’t frighten me at all. I think they’re cool as fuck.  In fact, I could go so far as to say that when I was a child I was obsessed with them.  I collected book after book thanks primarily to my Aunt Jeanine, who did everything she could to ensure I would read a lot and become a famous paleontologist when I grew up.  I also asked for (and usually received) a bag of brightly colored plastic dinosaur toys anytime my mom took me with her to the grocery store.  (I can only speculate as to how may of these bags of red green and yellow dinosaurs I had in my possession at one time.)

Anyway, I still have a few of the books my aunt bought me back then, and one has a painting in it which has haunted me throughout my entire life.  The book is called “Prehistoric Animals” and the opening gatefold is this:

Danby

It depicts something called “The Flood Myth” which has in fact been a cornerstone of almost every major religion since the beginning of human history.  (Which has been going on now for about a million years or so.)  I could get into a big religious discussion here, but I’ll save that for another blog.

5 Responses to “A Few Things That Scared Me “Shit-less” When I was a Kid”

  1. cameron June 13, 2013 at 12:37 am #

    Yeah. And fuck that rabbit. Fuck.That.Rabbit

  2. teacherpatti June 15, 2013 at 2:17 am #

    Spencer’s Gifts was awesome! I used to beg my mom to take me there.
    The Large Marge thing in Pee Wee’s Big Adventures scared the crap out of me as did the movies The Day After and Threads. Being a kid in the 80s was scary!

    • domingosaurus June 15, 2013 at 9:47 am #

      “Tell em Large Marge sent ya!” CLASSIC!

      “The Day After”; that’s the one with Jason Robards in it right? I remember that one all too well. I was going to throw in something about the threat of nuclear war and being a kid in the 80’s, but I actually decided to save that material for a future blog all on it’s own!

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Backyard Trailer Park Hot Dogs | Not Necessarily About Dinosaurs or Anything Else - June 17, 2013

    […] consisted of a comic book or a little bag of plastic dinosaurs.  (I already mentioned these in an earlier post.  I would LOVE to find an unopened bag of these […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

AlyZen Moonshadow

The words and works of AlyZen Moonshadow, digital mixed media photography artist, designer, musician, poet, philosopher, mother, muse, Goddess!

Are You Finished Yet?

I like to write about stuff. I usually try to be funny. Take it or leave it.

Michael's Origins

Sherlock unlocking the past

anewperspectiveperhaps

This site is about everything from my philosophy on life to the little things that make me laugh. IIt is about living, and breathing, and pausing long enough to take it all in. I hope it makes you laugh, sometimes makes you cry, but always makes you want to come back for another visit. It is your words, and your likes that inspire me to keep writing. And it is through my writing that you have a very large window to my soul. Relax awhile, read, and enjoy!

Be Free 2 Love

Soaring through Life, Love, & Happiness: One story at time.

PotatoPen

That's right! I write!

Forty, c'est Fantastique !

La vie est belle !

Mr Tookles

tee hee

The Dependent Independent

TV, movies, books…rants… just trying to put skills to use.

Fictional Kevin

Cigar Fueled Creative Writing

Tubularsock

". . . first hand coverage, second hand news"

Elizabeth Conrad

True stories from a recovering asshole.

jenny's lark

the beauty of an ordinary life

Skinny and Single

Single and Over 40 and Not Suicidal About It

BunKaryudo

Lovingly Hand-Crafted Humor Blog

Life After 50

Life at any age can be amazing! We only need to grab hold & experience it!

Lessons from my daughter

Although all doctors agreed she would do nothing.....

lindaseccaspina

remembers the invention of the wheel

Fiction Favorites

with John W. Howell

Ram On

Soon, Right Away, Right Away

Retro Girl & the Chemo Kid

Superpower: love. Adventures through childhood cancer, grief, healing and happiness.

What Rhymes with Stanza?

Words at rest, words at play

Life and Random Thinking

A old dog CAN blog

Just Fred in Wyo

Just a guy living life in Wyoming. These are my personal words and photos.

Live Laugh RV

Our next Chapter

NestOfSquirrels

Acorns. And scurrying.

The Falling Thoughts

Poems, Poetry Plus Passion

heretherebespiders

blowing through the cobwebs of my mind

Mental Defecation

My mind poops here

AlyZen Moonshadow

The words and works of AlyZen Moonshadow, digital mixed media photography artist, designer, musician, poet, philosopher, mother, muse, Goddess!

Are You Finished Yet?

I like to write about stuff. I usually try to be funny. Take it or leave it.

Michael's Origins

Sherlock unlocking the past

anewperspectiveperhaps

This site is about everything from my philosophy on life to the little things that make me laugh. IIt is about living, and breathing, and pausing long enough to take it all in. I hope it makes you laugh, sometimes makes you cry, but always makes you want to come back for another visit. It is your words, and your likes that inspire me to keep writing. And it is through my writing that you have a very large window to my soul. Relax awhile, read, and enjoy!

Be Free 2 Love

Soaring through Life, Love, & Happiness: One story at time.

PotatoPen

That's right! I write!

Forty, c'est Fantastique !

La vie est belle !

Mr Tookles

tee hee

The Dependent Independent

TV, movies, books…rants… just trying to put skills to use.

Fictional Kevin

Cigar Fueled Creative Writing

Tubularsock

". . . first hand coverage, second hand news"

Elizabeth Conrad

True stories from a recovering asshole.

jenny's lark

the beauty of an ordinary life

Skinny and Single

Single and Over 40 and Not Suicidal About It

BunKaryudo

Lovingly Hand-Crafted Humor Blog

Life After 50

Life at any age can be amazing! We only need to grab hold & experience it!

Lessons from my daughter

Although all doctors agreed she would do nothing.....

lindaseccaspina

remembers the invention of the wheel

Fiction Favorites

with John W. Howell

Ram On

Soon, Right Away, Right Away

Retro Girl & the Chemo Kid

Superpower: love. Adventures through childhood cancer, grief, healing and happiness.

What Rhymes with Stanza?

Words at rest, words at play

Life and Random Thinking

A old dog CAN blog

Just Fred in Wyo

Just a guy living life in Wyoming. These are my personal words and photos.

Live Laugh RV

Our next Chapter

NestOfSquirrels

Acorns. And scurrying.

The Falling Thoughts

Poems, Poetry Plus Passion

heretherebespiders

blowing through the cobwebs of my mind

Mental Defecation

My mind poops here

%d bloggers like this: