The correlation between vehicle size, genitalia size and IQ all explained in one mighty bumper sticker.

27 Jun

I was walking downtown yesterday afternoon with the intention of selecting and purchasing, for myself,  one used cd from any 1 of the 4 music stores we have in downtown Ann Arbor.   (We’re kind of lucky like that.)  This is something I mean to do every day, though it rarely works out like that.  Either I go crazy and spend all my available funds in one wild spending spree downtown, or I’m just to damn lazy to keep it up every day.  (In my own defense, there are also times when I have the best intentions but the weather is quote unquote: “bullshit.”)

9701801-bad-weather-and-rain-in-the-valley

 

Yesterday the weather was ok, other than it was hot as shit.  So I was making my way towards downtown (which takes me about half an hour) when some moron in a giant pick up truck nearly mowed me down as I tried to cross an intersection.  He was the poster child for everything I’ve come to expect from the usual resident of “The Town in Which I Live,” which means he had a mullet,  wrap around sunglasses, Tasmanian Devil Mudflaps, and was blaring Travis Tritt or Tupac out of his “Booty Bass” speakers so loudly it shook people’s windows as he drove by.  (Apparently that’s supposed to make people look cool.)

big-truck4

 

He must have been in a real hurry, but his efforts were thwarted when the person in front of him had the audacity to stop at a red light!  The moron in the giant pick up truck indicated his irritation by creeping up on the offending party’s bumper and revving their rather obnoxious engine but to no avail which afforded me the opportunity to leisurely stroll  past him, which was great because I now had plenty of time to examine, in closer detail, the smorgasbord of  “clever witticisms” decorating his vehicle. I already mentioned the Taz mud flaps.  Right driver side bumper, a “W” sticker.  (Indicating their support of George W. Bush.  No Surprises there.)  Each back sliding window, a nude female silhouette.  (Typical Pick Up truck fare.)  But that was when I noticed the bumper sticker on the passenger side of the rear bumper.  It was white with black lettering, very simple.  It read:  (word for word) The size of one’s truck bears an inverse correlation to one’s penis size.  The bumper sticker appeared to have been there awhile, as it was layered in the same amount of grime as the rest of the truck.    I came up with three theories:

1.)  Some random person this guy had pissed off simply slapped the bumper sticker on there, and he had somehow never noticed.  (I figure this is the most likely explanation.)

2.) The guy was a jerk, but he was an honest jerk.  (Probably the least likely explanation.)

3.)  (Here’s my favorite) The guy was so dumb, he actually bought the bumper sticker and put it on his truck himself, thinking it worked out as a compliment!  He spent his days thinking that all the laughing and pointing from people simply meant, if they were “dudes,” they were jealous and if they were “hot chics” they wanted to fuck him.

In any event it made my day. I walked the rest of the way downtown, completely ignored no less than three begging homeless people, walked into a place called Wazoo, and bought this:

1999t

 

Then I walked home, stopping at Burger King on the way.  I’d had plans to purchase some sort of groceries for myself to prepare, but I no longer felt like it.

23 Responses to “The correlation between vehicle size, genitalia size and IQ all explained in one mighty bumper sticker.”

  1. Andre June 27, 2013 at 2:47 am #

    I think it’s more likely #3 than #1.

    • domingosaurus June 27, 2013 at 2:50 am #

      Well that’s kind of what I was hoping!

    • Danielle Kitley June 27, 2013 at 2:54 am #

      I say it is option #4: The girlfriend put it on there and he assumed it was a compliment.

  2. teacherpatti June 27, 2013 at 2:51 am #

    I vote for number three. And I also vote that he’s never seen a naked woman in real life either (hence the stupid silhouette).

    • domingosaurus June 27, 2013 at 3:03 am #

      Unless he paid for her.

      • the winegetter June 27, 2013 at 5:26 pm #

        Patti, you underestimate what kind of women are out there…it’s not just the guys. There are girls that fit that profile, too…as my arts teacher always said: Nature is just. Even the ugliest motherfuckers find someone that fits to them.

  3. the winegetter June 27, 2013 at 5:24 pm #

    Definitely option 3…although I really like the idea of option combined with 3: someone slapped it on there, and the guy thought it was a cool statement…

    • domingosaurus June 27, 2013 at 6:12 pm #

      Ha Ha! I like any explanation that somehow involves the guy simply not understanding the meaning of the bumper sticker!

  4. ioniamartin June 27, 2013 at 5:30 pm #

    I support # 3 heartily. Bloody hell some people really need to get a life lol. I am going to have to devote some time to investigating this blog. This post made me laugh so hard I nearly spit coffee.

    • domingosaurus June 27, 2013 at 6:12 pm #

      YES! A near coffee spit! 2 points! : )

      • ioniamartin June 27, 2013 at 6:14 pm #

        I have a feeling you will encourage such bad behaviour:)

  5. Hansi June 27, 2013 at 8:24 pm #

    A shit-head on wheels. Poor soul probably doesn’t even realize the parody of himself he is.

    • domingosaurus June 28, 2013 at 8:47 am #

      And for that I am grateful. Without morons in the world, there would be so much less to write about!

  6. Ned's Blog June 30, 2013 at 2:35 pm #

    Hilarious piece, Domingo! By the way, that’s why I drive a really small truck…

    • domingosaurus July 1, 2013 at 8:31 am #

      So if you were to put that bumper sticker on your truck it would actually be clever! It’s funny how something can have a completely different meaning depending on the context in which it is used.

      • Ned's Blog July 1, 2013 at 1:28 pm #

        Exactly! Seriously, though — I laughed all the way through your post. Really funny stuff!

      • domingosaurus July 1, 2013 at 6:19 pm #

        Thank you! 🙂

  7. earthstonestation July 3, 2013 at 7:10 pm #

    it’s not just Ann Arbor

  8. Russel Ray Photos July 28, 2015 at 7:18 pm #

    He has no idea what “inverse correlation” means………..LOL

    • domingosaurus July 29, 2015 at 7:52 pm #

      And I’m glad for that. Without people like him, what would I even write about? (Blog # 529: Well it was another really boring day with nobody doing anything stupid…YAWN!!!)

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Want to Help Me Take My Beer Cans Back? (Great.) | Not Necessarily About Dinosaurs or Anything Else - August 26, 2015

    […] And now I have to cross one of the most ridiculous intersections in the entire city, Jackson and Stadium.  I have invented many a new and exciting insult to shout at people as they nearly plow me down with their moron-mobiles.  Usually it’s something unimaginative like “Watch it, Shit For Brains!” but one of my favorites is “Watch it Shit n’ Sniff!”  (A “Shit n’ Sniff” is a person so scummy they like to smell their own fingers after every butt wiping.  It is also used to denote anyone in my way, at any given time.)  (For the most hilarious story ever about me almost getting run over by a scumbag driving an moron-mo… […]

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AlyZen Moonshadow

The words and works of AlyZen Moonshadow, digital mixed media photography artist, designer, musician, poet, philosopher, mother, muse, Goddess!

Are You Finished Yet?

I like to write about stuff. I usually try to be funny. Take it or leave it.

Michael Rios

Sherlock unlocking the past

anewperspectiveperhaps

This site is about everything from my philosophy on life to the little things that make me laugh. IIt is about living, and breathing, and pausing long enough to take it all in. I hope it makes you laugh, sometimes makes you cry, but always makes you want to come back for another visit. It is your words, and your likes that inspire me to keep writing. And it is through my writing that you have a very large window to my soul. Relax awhile, read, and enjoy!

Be Free 2 Love

Soaring through Life, Love, & Happiness: One story at time.

PotatoPen

That's right! I write!

Forty, c'est Fantastique !

La vie est belle !

Mr Tookles

tee hee

The Dependent Independent

TV, movies, books…rants… just trying to put skills to use.

Fictional Kevin

Cigar Fueled Creative Writing

Tubularsock

". . . first hand coverage, second hand news"

Elizabeth Conrad

True stories from a recovering asshole.

jenny's lark

the beauty of an ordinary life

Skinny and Single

Single and Over 40 and Not Suicidal About It

BunKaryudo

Lovingly Hand-Crafted Humor Blog

Life After 50

Life at any age can be amazing! We only need to grab hold & experience it!

Lessons from my daughter

Although all doctors agreed she would do nothing.....

lindaseccaspina

remembers the invention of the wheel

Fiction Favorites

with John W. Howell

Retro Girl & the Chemo Kid

Superpower: love. Adventures through childhood cancer, grief, healing and happiness.

What Rhymes with Stanza?

Words at rest, words at play

Life and Random Thinking

A old dog CAN blog

Just Fred in Wyo

Just a guy living life. These are my personal words and photos.

Live Laugh RV

Our next Chapter

NestOfSquirrels

Acorns. And scurrying.

The Falling Thoughts

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heretherebespiders

blowing through the cobwebs of my mind

Mental Defecation

My mind poops here

emmakwall (explains it all)

Film & soundtrack reviews, good humour and lists

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