Actin’ Afool At The Dollar Store

21 Dec

It’s been a little over a year now since that fateful day I randomly decided to wander into the Dollar Tree to apply for a second job.  I was hired literally on the spot, and it’s been an all right gig.  It was a good move, I think.  I’ve never really believed in this whole “saving money thing,” so getting a paycheck every week instead of every other week is very nice.  It doesn’t pay a whole lot, but what’s far more important to me is the fact that I really don’t mind the actual work.  In fact I enjoy it.  I spend the vast majority of my time there stocking the shelves and I even get away with quietly listening to my iPod while I do so.  (This last perk no doubt increases my efficiency substantially.)  I’m well aware of the fact I would make a lot more money waiting tables or bar tending, but I would also almost certainly end up beating someone to death within the first two hours of my employment,  which wouldn’t benefit anyone.

The dollar store has become much more to me than a paycheck or a place to enjoy my work.  It has become an interesting source for valuable research regarding my fellow humans.  EVERYBODY shops at the Dollar store. Rich, poor, old young, smart and stupid.  All races, All creeds. All religious denominations, all political parties; they’re all in there spending their dollars.  Many of them don’t know they’re in a dollar store, in spite of the fact that there are giant signs everywhere proclaiming “EVERYTHING’S $1”

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I have a lot of fun with the unfortunate folks who are foolish enough to ask me how much something costs.  I have devised many hilarious ways of handling these situations.  Sometimes I make a big production out of it.  “Oh, that’s a good question. Let me go up and get a price check.”  Then I take the item in question and disappear to the front of the store (where I don’t really do anything) return with it after a couple minutes and say “It’s a dollar.”    Sometimes I just make things up, without even looking to see what the thing is.  “Those are 7 dollars and 18 cents.”  “I thought this was a dollar store!”  “Then why did you ask?”  Still other times I act like I’m not sure, and pretend to look for one of the giant banners hanging in the middle of every aisle that say “EVERYTHING’S $1”  “Hold on there’s a sign around here somewhere, OH!  Here it is:  One…Dollar.”  (That pretty much covers my entire repertoire for “Ways of Dealing With People Who Ask How Much Something Costs At The Dollar Store.”)

People also ask for things like car batteries, Doc Martens, and air conditioners.  “Pretty sure we couldn’t make a profit on those items, but have you tried Home Depot?”

(NOTE TO ANY OF MY MANAGERS WHO MAY HAVE UNWITTINGLY STUMBLED ONTO MY BLOG: I don’t really do any of these terrible things.  I’m extremely nice and pleasant to every person I encounter at work.)

But the absolute best part of any day at the dollar store, is getting to experience the joys of misbehaving children, something I would have very little knowledge of otherwise.

images

I WANT! I WANT! I WANT!

 

 

Roughly half of the people who come into the store have small children with them, and only about ten percent of those, it seems, have any intention of buying something for their progeny.  This almost always results in a temper tantrum of some sort.  From my vantage point in the next aisle, where I am quietly stocking and judging, stocking and judging, stocking and judging, I’ve learned something valuable.  It never works.  In fact, quite often, the child who has been allowed to pick out one dollar toy, but wants two, and whines about it loudly enough, often ends up with nothing.  (I love it when that happens.  First World Justice in action!  Mwoo Hoo HA HA HAAA!)  As for the screaming children, I am actually quite thankful for these almost daily incidents. They serve as ear-piercing, senses shattering reminders of why I never EVER want to have children.

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AlyZen Moonshadow

The words and works of AlyZen Moonshadow, digital mixed media photography artist, designer, musician, poet, philosopher, mother, muse, Goddess!

Are You Finished Yet?

I like to write about stuff. I usually try to be funny. Take it or leave it.

Michael's Origins

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anewperspectiveperhaps

This site is about everything from my philosophy on life to the little things that make me laugh. IIt is about living, and breathing, and pausing long enough to take it all in. I hope it makes you laugh, sometimes makes you cry, but always makes you want to come back for another visit. It is your words, and your likes that inspire me to keep writing. And it is through my writing that you have a very large window to my soul. Relax awhile, read, and enjoy!

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