An Homage to a Few Blogs I Started But Will Almost Certainly Never Finish. (Including titles and a brief synopsis of each one.)

I always feel like writing, and yet I rarely write.  The same could be said of almost everything I do or want to do.  For instance, at any given time, I would be more than happy to eat a bowl of chocolate ice cream, especially if it was drowned in a soupy mess of Hershey’s chocolate syrup, maybe even with some chocolate chips sprinkled in for good measure.  I could do this any time I want.  I average maybe six times a year.  It’s not because of any sort of self imposed will power.  It’s because I’m fucking lazy.  Straight up lazy.  First of all I have to schlep my ass to the grocery store and get the shit, then I have to schlep it all the way back here  and put the respective ingredients in their respective areas of containment;(freezer, refrigerator, cupboard) Then I actually have to get a bowl out, scoop out the ice cream, pour the syrup, sprinkle the chocolate chips, THEN put all the respective ingredients back in their respective places of containment. (freezer, refrigerator, cupboard).  Next I have to procure a spoon, and then, at long last, I get to  enjoy maybe ten minutes of pure chocolaty bliss accompanied by a 50/50 chance at an ice cream headache and a 100% chance of a dirty bowl to wash and a guilty conscience for eating the ice cream.  Was it worth it?  No.

My other big problem is I’m constantly starting things but almost never finishing them.  Case in point all these blogs I was gonna write.

“What the Fuck I Did Today.”

This was to be a story about a long walk to a comic book store on the other side of town during my favorite time of year:  Late Fall.  The blog itself seems to be pretty much finished.  I’m not sure why I never posted it.  (Maybe I will someday, though it no longer seems relevant.)

“My Ten Favorite Instances in Songs in Which Questions Were Posed and Then Answered.”

Yeah I thought this was a really great idea that I also thought would be easy to write, and hilarious to boot.  Unfortunately I kind of gave up on the project when I realized it was stupid. (I was almost certainly high when I wrote this.)

Q:  “Why did Constantinople get the works?”

A:  “That’s nobody’s business but the Turks.”

(Not really an answer.)

Q:  “Should I stay or should I go?”

(Answer never given.)

Q:  Whose house?

A:  Run’s House.

(OK, that’s legit, there’s one.)

Q:  Guess who just got back today?

A:  Them wild eyed boys that have been away.

(Also legitimate.  Now we’re on a roll!)

But apparently I wasn’t.  That’s where the entry ends.

“John Williams Ruined My Life”

This was to be a discussion on the importance of soundtracks in the success of movies, focusing specifically on the fact that a large part of the reason I am so in love with the Star Wars film franchise is the accompanying score, which was written by John Williams.  I then digress into a vitriolic diatribe about why John Williams is the main reason I never got laid in high school.

I was clearly drunk when I wrote this and the last few paragraphs are complete gibberish.  I’m really glad I didn’t post it.  (I’ll just tell you about it.)

“Fear and Loathing in Lansing, Michigan”

So here’s the story.  I really enjoy dressing up like Hunter S Thompson but I’ve already done that at all my friends’ Halloween parties, and it seems redundant to keep doing it, so last year for Halloween I got a hotel room in downtown Lansing, (which is nostalgic for me as it was the first place I ever lived on my own after leaving my parent’s house) and bar hopped all across town dressed as the famous doctor of journalism.  I had a great time, but I didn’t have my camera with me, and there was nobody with me to witness this alleged adventure.  As far as you know it may have never even happened.  (And you’ll never know for sure.)  In any event it had always been my intention to write a gonzo journalism telling of the events as they unfolded, but I never got around to it, and at this point I doubt I ever will.

Which brings me to…

“Fear and Loathing at the Motor City Comicon Parts 2-?”

I was never really going to do this.  I was kind of thinking about this concept as being similar to “Mel Brooks’ History of the World Part 1”  If you thought there was really going to be a part 2, you’re a sucker, and therefore your opinion doesn’t matter anyway.

“How To Not Be An Asshole While Walking Down The Fucking STREET!”

I walk downtown and back almost every day. I get annoyed, on average, by other people, at least 20 times on each occasion.  (Large, slow moving herds of people spread out all over the sidewalk with bungling children wheeling and spinning everywhere in my way being TOP on the list of extreme annoyances.) On this particular occasion I came back from my daily adventure extremely agitated, and proceeded to dump my rage into a ten point program for weeding out and severely punishing anyone not respecting other sidewalk travelers.  Thankfully I never posted this one either.

But there’s still time…