That One Time Robocop Had An Affair and Maybe Also Killed Some People.

First of all it’s been at least a year and a half since my last blog posting.  All I have to say about that is…”Bitches. Work. Bitches.  Danzig Memes.”

I may write a blog about these things at some point but most likely I won’t, because every time I say I’m going to write about a particular subject I end up not doing so. (I’m not sure why.)

OK, actually I’ll almost certainly end up writing a post about Danzig Memes.  Possibly as early as tomorrow night.  Here’s a preview:

I’ve been making a lot of Danzig Memes lately. It’s sort of become my thing.

(Sooooo…anywhoooo:)

I had actually planned on getting some work done on my apartment tonight.  (I still may do so.)  But first, I prepared a burger and some fries and sat down to watch yet another in a continuing series of what was sure to be a pretty bad “80’s Horror Movie.”  I’ve been in a mood for those of late, and have been working my way through somebody’s list of about 500 titles on something called “Youtube,” and started off with one called “Bloody New Year.”  It was so “Bloody Boring As Shit.”  So much so that after I finished my dinner I slept through the vast majority of the rest of it.

I woke up in time for the next film on the list, which seemed a bit more promising as it had Peter Weller in it.  (I like Peter Weller. He starred in such classics as Buckaroo Banzai, Robocop, Naked Lunch, some movie where he fights a giant mutated rat in his apartment while his wife and kids are away, one of the more recent Star Trek films…and lots of other stuff.  I could go on and on, he’s great) It also had another name in it I recognized; “John Glover.” I remembered him as being General Veers from my favorite movie of all time:  “The Empire Strikes Back,” so I was excited to see him in a movie with Peter Weller.

There’s a slight chance a few of you might also recognize him as a Bond Villain, an Indiana Jones Villain, or even more recently a Game of Thrones (kind of) Villain. Ever the villain has been “John Glover.” (It’s the resting bitch face, I suppose)

 

NOW HOLD ON!!!  It was about two thirds of the way through the movie when I realized I was thinking of JULIAN Glover, not to be confused with DONALD Glover and most certainly not to be confused with the person who was actually in this movie; JOHN Glover.  (Sorry to dash the hopes of the few of you out there who might be reading this that are even more pathetic than I am, with your fingers already poised over your keyboards excitedly waiting to jiz your pants whilst correcting my oh so embarrassing error.  I already figured it out for myself, thank you very much.)

This is John Glover, not to be confused with Julian or Danny Glover. He was in Smallville.

So the movie starts.  I get about ten minutes in before I’m thinking about skipping it to get to the next film on the list.  First of all, the particular recording I was viewing seemed to be of extremely poor film quality.  It almost looked black and white though the movie was clearly not.  (For the record, I don’t mind black and white movies as long as they are meant to be black and white.)  To add to my boredom the film starts out with a rambling plot which seems to center around a complete dickhead of some form of “Mill Manager.”  (To my immediate recollection, they never do mention just what exactly is being milled)   The story was hard to follow at first, but it seemed clear this “Mill Manager” was having one or more affairs and was a complete asshole to his workers.  To be honest the film was hard to follow at first what with the distraction of the poor film quality and my eternal need for another drink   Where the fuck was Robocop?  Where the fuck was General Veers?  I hadn’t spotted either yet and to be honest it seemed it was going to be hard to do so what with the awful film quality. Yet as so often happens I really had nothing better to do anyway so I poured myself another cocktail and soldiered on.  (Like a BOSS!)

And man am I glad I did. Do you ever start watching a movie… absolutely hate it,… then for some reason,… a little ways in, find yourself transfixed by it and decide you just have to see it through to the end?  More often than not it still ends up being, like most things in life,  a complete waste of time and a massive disappointment, but in this particular instance (SPOILER ALERT) that was not to be the case!

Sometimes as simple a factor as the haunting beauty of the main starlet of a film will keep me engrossed and such was the case with the character that is soon established as the main protagonist, played by Kathy Baker.  (A woman I had never heard of before)  In this movie she was beautiful and intense and for some reason I just wanted to keep watching her.  (Also I’m a perv.)

Not the best image of her from the movie, but the best one I could find to use in my blog.

Then of course Peter Weller finally appears, and is awesome as always in his own weird droll “Peter Weller” way.  I still kept waiting to spot General Veers.  I began to think he may have been the asshole Mill Manager, who (SPOILER ALERT) dies pretty early on.

(ADDITIONAL SPOILER ALERT) It wasn’t.

The movie actually gets better and better.  Surprises are heaped on and eventually I began to not even notice the shitty look of the film.  (I wouldn’t mind seeing a digitally restored dvd version of it sometime.  None of that High Def shit though. I can’t even stand to be in the same room with that garbage.  I’ll never understand why people like it. It makes everything look like a British Soap Opera.

The ending of the movie is INSANE and made me literally say “HOLY FUCK!!!” out loud by myself in my room.  (And at that point I wan’t even really drunk yet.)

Also by that time I had figured out who John Glover is, and recognized him as being that dude that played Lex Luther’s father on “Smallville.”  (And he’s one of the few redeeming qualities of that show I might add. )

In conclusion, if you get a chance and you feel so inclined, you should totally watch A Killing Affair.  (To make sure it’s clarified, I’m talking about the 1986 one, not the EXTREMELY ironically titled 1977 one with OJ Simpson.)

Oh were you expecting an actual film review?  Sorry.  Go to Rotten Tomatoes or something for that kind of shit.